Why do you even care about your Substack following, dude?

A critical examination.

My friend Nora¹ recently gave me some very blunt feedback about my Substack. In doing so, she called me out HARD, and really forced me to introspect. Why do I write? Why do I post my writing? Why do I want a following? All that good stuff.

She boomed me. She boomed me SO hard.

I had to pause our conversation halfway so I could go find my journal and write her thoughts down. I then left to go lick my wounds before I could even think about reflecting on that conversation. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, Stop Chasing Adult Participation Trophies by

Todd Kashdan

showed up on my notes feed the very next day, and called me out for chasing external validation. Humiliating.

This post is my attempt at introspection.

My conversation with Nora

In our conversation, Nora drilled pretty deeply into my motivation to grow a Substack following. Each time I defended myself, she countered with an alternative I hadn’t considered seriously enough.

Do I want to engage with a community of people who are smart and thoughtful? Then why not find a community that already exists? I could go argue with the Rationalists on Lesswrong, the smart folks at r/SlateStarCodex, or some other community that likes pedantically debating things. Why not join an existing online group? Or better yet, join one in person?

Do I just think I’m smart and want to be heard? Then why not share my views in a place that has an existing audience? I could go into journalism, I could publish longer articles, I could submit opinion essays to newspapers online. I could piggyback off of established readers and communities, watch my numbers go up, and even get paid a little for my time. It might be more fulfilling than Substack.

Do I want to change the world? If so, why do it online? The internet isn’t where you go to do that. If I really believe in my own capabilities, why not put my money where my mouth is? Why not go to DC and throw my hat in the ring, intern for some think tank or politician, and work my way up the ladder?

Do I want to build a following on other social media so I can funnel them to my Substack? If so, why?? The social media game is highly dependent on staying relevant. It’s a full-time job to be posting enough to fight audience churn and maintain staying power in the attention economy. And on the internet, attention is fickle. That’s not conducive to long-term, slower, more serious thought. “Unless you want to be posting every day, you shouldn’t be worried about your followers.“

After all this, I sat there, defeated. Why do I still want to write on Substack? If not for the reasons above, why do I want to continue?

Creating for its own sake

I have a single pure creative hobby. A hobby that I started without intent to ever get big or be known for. A hobby that I do for me, without expecting anyone else to hear it.

Music.

I don’t publish my music anywhere. I don’t really talk about it, either. My friends hear it sometimes, when I happen to be working on it or when they ask. I used to make more music in high school, but then I kinda stopped working on it so much. It’s hard to explain.

See, I think that music is just like all the other creative arts: it should be shared. Hearing people compliment my music is one of the better feelings in the world. And occasionally, I’ll write a song specifically for someone, and boy is it gratifying to see their reaction. But there’s still this sort of, purity of motivation behind it.

I would love to say that every creative wants to get big, that there is no pure and free creative instinct. But that’s not true. I’ve experienced it myself. When I make music, it’s for an audience of one. It’s closer to a journal than a publication. Sometimes I think that my Substack posts are like this. I just want a medium to express my thoughts. I don't care about views or likes: I want to create art.

What a liar. If that were true, I'd be writing on some site where people weren't reading, and not posting at all. That’s what my journal is for. I post on Substack because I want people to read my writing. Unlike music, my ego is heavily involved in my writing. I always vaguely knew this, but Nora forced me to confront the true extent of my ego. I don’t write posts solely because I want to write them. I also write posts hoping for engagement. I usually don’t get what I hope for, and get frustrated.

I know what it’s like to pursue a creative endeavor purely for its own sake. Hardly Working is something else.

Why I write

I want to become a spectacular thinker and writer. I want to see the world clearly, and write persuasively. I aspire to write like the people who inspire me to write. Writers like Scott Alexander, or Ezra Klein². Even Noah Smith and Matt Yglesias. I disagree with each in their own ways: Scott on wokeism, Ezra on AI, Noah on culture issues and Matt on like, really most of the things he writes about. But all of them make me think harder. When I read their work, I end up feeling like I have a greater understanding of the world. Even when they’re wrong.

I want to be able to write like that. I want to write posts that I’d love to read.

I like being right about things. I like understanding the world, and seeing clearly. I’m not above plunging in and getting my hands dirty, but I have a burning desire to see and understand the bigger picture. The best way to do that is to write my thoughts down and expose them to criticism. I can do that here.

If you write, I’d love to know why. Some writers share my mission, writing to understand themselves and the world. Some writers hone in on topics of their expertise, sharing it for all to see. Some writers are just trying to make a name for themselves, or make living³. Some people just shitpost. All of those are pretty cool.

As for me, I want to see reality not as I want to see it but how it is. I want to understand reality more deeply and more correctly, to learn about the external world and make better predictions. I want to understand people, including myself, to get a better grasp on human nature and learn how to live better. I have a burning desire to discuss things with people, write my thoughts down, and share that writing with others.

That’s why I write.

My new plan

Honestly, I’m just gonna listen to Nora.

I want to get into more fruitful arguments with people online. Definitely on r/SlateStarCodex, maybe on Lesswrong.

I already have a piece in the works for a bigger blog/news publication. If everything works out, I’ll be able to share that here soon.

I will be throwing my hat into the ring in Chicago’s local government, and will see what happens afterwards—in my first two weeks of interning at the Cook County Treasurer’s Office, I’ve already learned a lot. Maybe I’ll write about this if my boss lets me.

I will not be posting on other social media, because that doesn’t really matter to me. And I’m going to continue posting on Substack.

But I’ll be doing my best to remember: this is a hobby of mine. I do this, not for external validation or likes or praise, but for me.

It’s not that serious.

1. She also drew my profile picture. Nora, if you’re reading this, you’re the GOAT FR.

2. I couldn’t decide which link to put here. Abundance? The Ezra Klein Show? The New York Times? Eventually I gave up. Just Google his ass, dude.

3. Hell yeah get that bag